If We're Honest

I think it's so normal to look back at your wedding day and maybe even laugh at the things you would have done differently now. Superficial details aside, there are definitely things I wish I had known about myself and about marriage before I said I do. I look at this picture and I see the joy I had knowing that I was committing my life to the man I had loved for so long. I really thought it was going to be easy. I really thought we were the exception to the "normal". Untouchable. 

Maybe that was just a lie that I allowed myself to believe. But honestly, we didn't even get premarital counseling. It's not that I didn't think we might need it, but it just wasn't my priority. I was truly more caught up in making a comfy, cute life together than I was making sure our foundation as a couple was firmly on Jesus. I assumed it was. 

I think many women put their man on a pedestal. Yes, we were made to adore and respect our men, but not to the point where we have these unrealistic expectations and unhealthy views that only leads to disappointment and anger... not to the point where they are our idol that we look to for what only God can give us. 

My husband fell off the pedestal I put him on and has failed me in many ways. We were in ministry young and learned everything the hard way. Looking back, I wish I had known that marriage wasn't going to make him any less of a human. In fact, it really wasn't going to fix any of the things we dealt with while dating. It wasn't going to make my own baggage magically disappear either. It's not an escape, it's a battlefield. 

After 3 years, I can now say that I'm finally understanding what it looks like to see him as equally imperfect as me, and know that his job isn't to fulfill my deepest longings. I can now understand that I am to point him to Christ, not to his shortcomings. I know what it feels like to love him where he is at, not for what I hope he will grow in to be. Trust me, God is worthy of being trusted with our spouses. He will not fail, and our spouses don't ultimately belong to us anyway.
The Lord can redeem any situation and help you move forward in freedom even after you've done everything the wrong way, married or not. 

Next, I wish I had known that my identity is not in one of my many roles. It was so easy to get swirled up in homemaking and taking care of his every need so that he wouldn't have to worry about a thing. Man, I thought I was so dang good at it too. In fact, I had more confidence in that than I even did as a student or in my jobs. I now see that I was loving him in the wrong ways... the ways that I thought he wanted and needed. But really, he didn't so much care about the clean dishes or the swept floors. He wanted me to be present, which I unfortunately too often was not. I hope I am never again so overwhelmed with my life that I can't be present for what really matters.
I am thankful for the great privilege of being a wife. It is God's good design. But it doesn't name me or define me. I'm not just Ty, "Grey's wife." I belong to Jesus, and I am who HE says I am, no matter how much I failed on my end, no matter what I've gone through. 

Say it with me: "I am not what happens to me." 

This has just been on my heart guys. I am living breathing proof that Satan will do just about anything to destroy marriage, but he DOESN'T HAVE TO WIN. God does mighty things through couples, so naturally he wants to stop it. This world is so broken. May we fight for the things of the Lord. May we not compromise. May we communicate instead of avoid. May we not live our lives comparing our stories with those around us, but live in confidence in the one God is writing for us. 

He will make us whole again when we walk through valleys. The valleys are what shape us and give us a deeper, lasting foundation to live out the rest of our lives on. We either walk away changed, or turn away from God. We ask if God is worth the things we've suffered. He is.

From Tallahassee, to Hattiesburg, to Leesburg, to Boston, back to Hattiesburg, back to Tallahassee.... with all of my "why's" and "how's", regrets and fears....learning things later than I had hoped.... I can honestly say, It Is Well. 

~Psalm 27