Plans.

Plans. We all make them... Sometimes without even realizing it. Before you know it, you have what you think the next 5 years of your life should look like in your head. As for me? Guilty as charged. I crave to plan. I have a weekly to do list that is filled up every single day. So much to accomplish, and I sure do feel pretty good about myself when I got done what I planned to. And why? Cause i get the glory. I do it in MY strength. But when I wake up in the morning, do I surrender my time to God and ask him to direct my day? No. I'm more consumed with the first thing on my list. Maybe God has far greater ways he wants me to spend my time... if I would only listen. Maybe instead of being in a rush all the time, He wants me to sit in my room and spend time with him... If i would only slow down. Realizing this has opened up way more lessons to be learned than I expected. Here's my story.  I'm 18. I'm young, but this time in my life is pretty huge. God walked me through high school and allowed me to find who I am as he placed desires in me for ministry. So now, it's figuring out how to put these things into practice...how to make the future possible. More so, WHERE. It's been quite the journey thus far. Only God knows how many prayers He received from me about college. One unexpected morning, I thought I had it. Bible college in Spain for 2 years. I knew I wanted to do something different, and this seemed perfect. I had peace. I started making plans, with a very closed heart to any other options. I sat back as everyone else my age scrambled to take the SAT and apply for colleges and scholarships. Not my brightest idea. Here's the curve ball I had thrown my way. Little did I know, this college is not accredited. On top of that, I had problems getting my visa (which allows me to stay the full 2 years), in time to fly over. So then I'm left with a choice. Give up or keep fighting. I'm a firm believer that the devil will use anything he can to discourage you, so I decided to keep hope. My only option now is to go over to Spain for 3 months and come back home without anything to show for it, so just for sheer experience...(a very expensive experience at that) It hit me hard. I have been building this up for almost a year! And less than 2 months before I'm supposed to leave, I find this out. You can imagine my questioning, and my sadness. I felt like I'm a year behind. The options for colleges are still endless, and I'm clueless as to where I see myself in America. God uses my mom in my life a lot, and He did it again. She sat my crying self down and told me that God has a way of reminding us that He's still in control. I needed to learn to hold a loose grip on everything in my life, even the things I'm so sure of. Because God can take it away and change the plan... Suddenly. For MY good. She expressed to me that it was the smartest thing financially to stay in Florida because I could get bright futures and barely have to pay for school. I kept an open mind and remembered that Southeastern university in Lakeland was one of the only Bible colleges in Florida that it covered. I took a leap of faith, left vacation early, and visited. Very nice school. But it was almost as if I was forcing myself to have a peace about this 4 year university, and I couldn't quite find it. There I am in the conference room of the school,  my head on the table, praying about this application laying in front of me.  My mom's phone rings. They ask for Ty.  It's Word of Life Bible Institute, saying they found my name and they would love to have me there. Just for a second, Imagine the look on my face. .....yeah.  "You've gotta be kidding me, God." Maybe He knew I needed an obvious, unmistakable sign. That's sure what I got that day.  This college embraces everything I want to do with my life. From being a camp counselor, to going on missions trips, to being involved with skits that challenge young minds. Just as mine was challenged when I went there at 12 years old and really started to dive into my faith. It changed  my life. Now there is nothing stopping me. I can't put off what God plainly has put in front of me to do. I applied, got accepted, and will be a student at Word of Life Bible Institute in September. I hope to still be able to visit Spain one day. I can't really describe the emotions I felt about letting this opportunity pass me. But it wasn't easy. I can't help but think of the story of Abraham being tested by God to see if he would sacrifice his own son. I wonder if God wanted to see if I would follow Him anywhere, even if I had no clue where I was going. And maybe I needed to learn sacrifice of self will. I'll follow You, Lord, and give myself up. Wow. It still blows my mind that God does not need me, but he wants me, and He chooses to fulfill and bless me beyond belief. My mist of a life is for His Glory, and Word of Life is where I get the pleasure to use my gifts for Him. I can't express how excited I am. There is no greater thing than to do what you were made for. The bible says in Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." As human as it is to plan, we can't get so caught up in it. I have learned to take one day at a time. And if your plan is from God, you won't be able to stop it. There has to be a point where we finally give up what we think our life should be like and surrender to God's perfect will. He will do far more than we could ever imagine if we just trust Him. Life will open and close a lot of doors. Some doors are meant to keep you from going on the wrong path, some doors are just temporary to fuel your dreams, and some doors are your God-given purpose in life, and you'll know it the minute its opened. I'll tell you this. The things that are worth something in your life are not always easy to get to. They don't just fall in your  lap, you have to go through experiences to prepare you for it. You have to work for it. It just makes those things that much more worth it when they finally happen. It makes you who you are. I would like to thank everyone for supporting me no matter what. My closest friends never discouraged me from reaching my goal of Spain, and that means the world to me. If anything, I hope someone can be encouraged by this and learn from my mistake of setting things in stone. Know that God never lets anything go in vain, and He has had our lives planned out before we were born. He is faithful. And money is only an object when it comes to fulfilling our purpose on earth. He provides. You guys are great, and honestly, it's pretty awesome that I'll only be 4 hours away now! At least for the first year :) (second year is in New York if God leads me there) Thanks for reading. Guided by Him in love, Ty

Prayer... God doesn't procrastinate.

I don't know about you, but it seems like it's so hard to get people to sit down and genuinely listen these days. My pastor told us in church this morning that the average attention span of adults is 7 seconds. Explains a lot.

    Maybe it's just because I am a woman, but I crave to be heard and understood. I've found myself discouraged when people won't reach into my soul and care about my deepest feelings and concerns. But then I realize that it isn't their responsibility to do this. Besides, how many times have I sat down to talk to someone and drifted in my own thoughts while I'm supposed to be listening intently and offering feedback? Whoops. We're all human, and let's face it, we're all selfish at times. We all forget to pray for people when we say that we will, and we get so caught up in our own situations that we find it hard to set it aside for awhile and focus on someone else.

   But God made us to want to be heard so He could fulfill that need. He holds the entire world in His hands but still drops everything to hear our cries out to Him. If that wasn't enough, He knows before we even come to Him, and He will answer our prayers. God doesn't make us leave Him a voice mail because He's too busy with other things. God doesn't procrastinate or get around to caring about our hurts when He has time. He is the ultimate comforter and gives us peace that He hears us and is for us. That blows my mind. And since we are supposed to be imitators of Christ, I think we should work on our listening skills. I know I need to. We may never know how powerful it is to offer our presence to listen.

     Sometimes I wish I could be a little girl again. It seems like the older I get, the more information I know... and the easier it is to doubt and analyze things. I used to believe God could do anything (and He certainly showed me that He can when He brought my parents back together). Back then I never doubted His love for me. I never felt too small or insignificant for Him to worry about. But now I have the nerve to sit here and worry about how I'm going to pay for college because I have such small faith, and at the same time, think to myself that prayer wouldn't do anything to help the situation. What happened? It's like I forget the countless times that God has answered my prayers. (I think I should make an effort to remind myself of this). God doesn't want us to doubt, it doesn't please Him. It will even hinder our prayer life. Jeremiah 33:3 says “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” We must go before the throne of God, maybe even on our knees, expecting that He will come through and answer our needs. He will do far more than we could ever imagine.

    Something that God has been teaching me to do is be myself in every aspect of my life, especially when I pray. I don't have to pretend or sugar-coat things with Him. I don't have to put on my "holy talk" when I'm praying. I can be goofy and completely honest. He made me how I am, and he loves it! Why would I try to hide it or change it? Knowing that God doesn’t love me for what I do or don’t do, I can be sure that I am loved and known completely despite my weaknesses. He looks down on me with delight and not disappointment. Some people are afraid to pray because they know they have messed up. But He doesn't want us to get our act together before we talk to Him.

    I'm not going to lie, I still struggle with my prayer life. It took me a long time to realize that God wants to hear about my day, and He wants to be my best friend and Father. We all know that one of Satan's biggest tools is distraction. Life is a distraction in itself, but more specifically, if I wait till I'm lying in bed to pray, I WILL fall asleep. There's no getting away from that. I have to ask Him every day to turn myself towards Him instead of towards the things of the world. Instead of getting mad, upset, or anxious when things happen during the day, how much better would it be if my immediate response was to pray? Even if it's just to tell Him how great He is and how thankful I am. That’s what I'm striving for through the Holy Spirit. I love that it is so simple to talk to Him, and that I can do it anytime I want. We take that for granted. Some people in other countries would be put to death if they openly prayed.  

      I think we have all been to the point sometime in our life that we think we are talking to the air when we pray. But God is working, even if it's not in the way we think it should be. Maybe it's because we have gotten so used to instant gratification; we expect everything to be so sudden. Maybe He is producing patience in us and increasing our faith. He's showing us that He's in control, and that we couldn't do it better no matter how hard we tried. I think He will show us that whatever it is we are praying for, it's worth waiting for. Take Hannah from the Bible for example (her story is in 1 Samuel 1 & 2). In verse 15 she is pouring out her soul to God, weeping because she could not bear any children. After awhile, she became pregnant and named her son Samuel, heard of God. He did not want to give her just an ordinary son. Samuel is the one who turned the Israelites away from idolatry, which led Israel into a long period of peace.

   Sometimes the things we wait for the longest are the things that God blesses us the greatest with. Hannah’s grief and sorrow turned into her greatest joy because she trusted God and poured out her heart. Out of her suffering and exaltation, she comes to see Christ more clearly, and as a result, she praises Him for who and what He is, not focusing on her past sorrow. Now her story is in the Word of God and encourages many people today. God orchestrates our background and our lives in a way which uniquely prepares and equips us for the ministry He has for us. Let us refuse to see our past difficulties as hindrances to the present or the future. As we look back on the painful memories of our past, let’s look upon them as the foundation stones for our present and future lives, and then may we rejoice in our tribulations and trials in light of the way God purposes to use them for our good and for His glory. It all becomes a part of our story…the stories that He is writing until the end, uniquely and perfectly for me and you. Let God be your best friend…one that you talk to every day and tell everything to. You may not be able to see or touch Him, but He’ll never leave or stop having time for you. Ever.